great eastern 10K

i did the run probably about a week ago.. it was a 10km route around the city.. y first time taking part in any marathon of any sort.. i always felt that it was silly to pay to run.. but i guess the money comes partly from getting the goodie bag as well as to close off the roads for that number of hours as the thousands of people throg through the roads that most of us just simply drive through within seconds or minutes..
this was like the challenge i gave myself about a year back.. when i realised that it was high time that i needed to do something and achieve something in my life at that point of time since i have reached the one of the main goals of my life which was my ambition.. everytime i run a cardiac rehabilitation orientation, i always remind my patients of a SMART goal. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely = SMART. Something that my previous mentors in physiotherapy in the ICU taught me. I told all my patients that my final goal was to run a 10K marathon in uder 1 hour and that was by december 2010. And to reach my goal, it would need me to keep training and increasing the running distance to reach 10km. of course, when i first started on this goal - i had ran barely so little in the last 3 years when i started my course in NYP, let alone really play much netball esp since i quit the team in first year after i realised that my ultimate aim in life was driven by a different purpose and the spirit of competition for another person's dream or wishes was no longer inside of me. i lasted only a maximum of 13 mins on the treadmill and i would slowly increase the timing all the way up to 1/2 an hour to now my regular runs of 36 mins or up to 40 mins if i could afford it before work. I still did my runs 3 times a week, regardless of illness, work schedules or even homework. I often told my patients who gave me reasons that they were too tired after work or before work that if i could make the effort to sleep 1 hour less for my own health and considering that my job is physically more demanding than theirs and I have to even study at my own time, i saw no reason why they couldn't.
Not only that, when i was at my busiest and most stressful period, running gave me an opportunity to slip away from the hustle and bustle of life, those precious 36 mins that kept my mind off from my handphone, my work, my studies. it was just me and my legs and keep moving forward. It gave me a sense of accomplishment and discipline of course everytime i managed to finish my run, grab a quick shower before starting my day at 8am at work.
Hence, needless to say, the 10km run was a great experience. i finished it in 56 mins and 30seconds. probaby i could have gone faster but i didnt noe if i would burn out and it was my first run. the feeling of having so many people running with you and keeping you eyes on the target was so different from me and the treadmill. The air smelt different, the pace felt different, the foot strikign the ground felt different, the strides felt wider and the spirit felt stronger. When i crossed the finish line, i walked to the end to get refreshments. that was the irony, i didnt need any. my heart was filled with pride and with a huge sense of accomplishment - i finally did it and i reached my goal. Part of me wanted to cry (yes how silly though ) but majority of me was like " this is over and i wan to just keep doing this again and again ". it's not a challenge but a reminder of an accomplishment. That despite all that has been thrown at me in life, at the hardest, most tiring, most emotionally draining part, i did something that i wanted to do for so long.
therefore, i set myself a goal and that was to keep doing a 10K marathon every year :) it may set me a little back finanicially but it brings me forward in many other ways :) and of course keep it under an hour.

it's been so long

hey..
it's been really so long since i have last updated.. a lot of things happened in between especially since the last update was that i was accepted into AUT for my studies and now i have actually finished my first semester of online course work. It's hard to summarise everything into a few sentences but i think the last 4 months have been the most challenging and probably match the amount of fatigue that i faced the last few years. I realised that working and studying is really tough and part of me feels so fustrated and tired all the time because besides having to work and juggling all other commitments, it meant having to do home work, research and what i need to do at work. I guess it comes to a realisation that after almost 1 year and 8 months at work, i am only someone trying to make a difference and hoping that i can make a difference - no longer the person who can make difference to the lives of others.. maybe there is something bigger out for me in the end? Part of me looks around me and see what have the others around me accomplished with the same time frame and in comparison, i seem to be almost no where. I am probably somewhere now in terms of academics but i know in the years to come, career path wise and financially wise, i will never reach where they are because in the first place, where i begun, it was way lower already. sigh. HJ's right - money isn't everything, but it's really something. It costs me so much to do my masters, i scrimped and saved so hard to the point that i didn't mind packing lunch to work or saving on a few cents for a bus trip by walking or even budgeting hard for events when i see my friends being able to splurge. I don't get to wear what i like to wear to work - no make up, no perfect pretty shoes, no nice clothes. yeap.. it's saves a lot of money though but i mean. haha.. sadly i think i have a soft spot for shoes and my choices of shoes are limited to that of just flat and easy to wash and clean because it just isnt functional to wear a pretty shoe and get it dirtied in the hospital. I am not against my job but i realised that in between, there is much that i have given up and i am not sure if i will gain in the end will match what i think i lost. especially financially because i think i have just made myself nothing more than a potential financial burden to my own boyfriend.
anyway i just got past my hardest 4 months; i am relieved, i am comforted and i am really hoping for the best for my results though i am not sure how well i will perform. it's my first time doing stats all by myself, having to write essays and think a lot ad contribute to a group of pple who have so much more knowledge and experience than myself. I think i really tried very hard and hard as i could. just need to keep my fingers crossed. now it's just waiting to fly over the NZ next year which i have my own reservations and my own excitements about..
I have never left home for so long and definitely this is a great chance to be independent and so much more because i wanted an overseas education. not to mention that i worked hard to pay for part of my education and it also means slogging for a long time after that to repay the rest of the masters education. going there means learning a lot of new things and being exposed to what i think my field should mean.. Part of me wants to try to live by myself but my reservations would also be hong ju. Part of the reason why i chose to leave next year is because hong ju will also be leaving for his exchange in the UK. I thought that it would be a great opportunity to start studying then because it will allow us time to focus on our studies and get past the academic stages of our lives.. of course he is going further than his degree but at least for me academically i will most probably be at my last stage already. At the same time, i felt that it was a time for the both of us to really test our relationship. absence does make the heart grow fonder.. as we reach almost the 4th year into our relationship, it is probably time that we learn to be there for each other even when we are not physically together and when it's not possible to see each other all the time.
I will admit that i failed horribly when it comes to being apart, from his family overseas trips or even my overseas training in KL for 5 weeks.. we have never been physically apart for more than 3 weeks the most.. this time it probably almost be 10 months. Needlessly, I know i will fail horribly but this time again i will need to learn to pick myself back up and be able to live on with my goals in life. that is probably something i know he wants me to be able to learn and cope with and for that, i shall really try not to fail. I am sure he will do quite well in the UK, even more so because he wanted an overseas education really badly and not to mention the amount of freedom that he gets and the experience. I believe he needs a break from a lot of things and he should get a break too..
alright. tt's a mouthful for a very overdue post :) I shall update regularly from now onwards! tt's a promise!